Total Doubt

Every fibre of my being tells me I shouldn't be a movie producer. It is not my world. I only became interested in movies in college. It is not my first calling. My first calling has disappeared into the depths of time, and I have convinced myself it is too late to go backwards.

But in spite of all that, I am convinced I must moved forward, because I am stubborn like that. Because my life points me in no other way. People have always asked, what are you supposed to do with your life. The answer to that is completely up to you.

I don't want to live a mediocre life, but that is where it seems to be going. Like something you can not avoid. It is very sad, but what can you do. We write in our journals, hoping to air our grievances such that other people can relate. To find out you are not alone. Pretentious and egotistical, what can you do. I don't write my real self in these journals. I just write what I want other people to see. I am not a big believer of writing down what you really feel anyway, because sooner or later it will come back to bite you. Or that is what I fear.

Pathetic.