1. Be fully committed.
2. Learn Spanish! (not applicable in this country)
3. Don’t Steal.
4. Always be on time.
5. Never make excuses or blame others.
6. Never call in sick.
7. Lazy, sloppy and slow are bad.

- Enterprising, crafty and hyperactive are good.

8. Be prepared to witness every variety of human folly and injustice.

- Why is he/she treated better than me?
- How come the chef gets to loiter in the dining room, playing kissy-face [insert minor celebrity here] while I’m working my ass off?
- Why is my hard work and dedication not sufficiently appreciated?”

Those are all questions best left unasked. The answers will drive you insane eventually. If you keep asking yourself questions like these, you will find yourself slipping into martyr mode, unemployment, alcoholism, drug addiction and death.

9. Assume the worst (I don’t agree with this one.)
10. Try not to lie.
11. Avoid restaurants where the owner’s name is over the door.
12. Think about that resume!
13. Read!
14. Have a sense of humor about things.